What to Do When an Introvert is Angry? 6 Tips to Calm Down


We all get angry, and so are introverts. It could also challenge you to approach an angry introvert since they are too sensitive. So today, let’s drill down the things you can do when an introvert is angry.

When introverts are angry, you can choose to lighten their mood in different ways. You can give them advice, treat them, or offer other good things. But did you know that the best thing you can do is to listen compassionately and give the space they wish for?

When an introvert is angry, they’re usually not going to tell you. They might be able to express it through their actions, but they won’t tell you how they feel.

So what do you do when you realize your introverted loved one is angry?

introverted boy with angry eyes and looks

Don’t take it personally. 

Anger is a natural emotion. 

They might be angry at something in their personal life, like a bad day at work, or they might be angry with someone else, such as a friend who hasn’t been very supportive lately.

But the main point to take note of here is that anger isn’t about you or even the person making them angry. It’s about whatever caused the outrage in the first place.

If your introvert does express their anger by saying something like “I’m really mad at my boss,” take this as a sign that they need support. 

They need someone who will listen without judging them or telling them how to deal with the situation themselves. 

Avoid attacking them with questions.

Questions like “why are you so mad?” or “what did I do wrong?” are some of the worst options to deal with an introvert’s anger. 

Instead of this, you can try asking questions like “what happened today?” or “how did that make you feel? Be sensitive to your words and try to become as supportive as you can without insulting their situation.

Less talk indeed promotes fewer mistakes. But it’s also a bad idea to keep your mouth shut because you’ll make things awkward for an introvert.

Try to be normal and calm so you can show you care.

Don’t push them into a conversation.

If they want to talk about what made them upset, great! But if they don’t, don’t force it. Provide them time and space to think through and digest everything before trying again.

Introverts need time to prepare and settle things down. And when it comes to their anger, it’s a big deal to talk about.

If your friend wants someone else’s perspective on what happened, offer yours only if asked, not as an unsolicited opinion on their situation.

Moreover, if you push an introvert too hard when angry, they may shut down completely. 

They can even become defensive and angry with you for making them feel so pressured by your expectations for them to talk about their problems. 

This can result in alienation between friends who used to be close or even breaking up entirely.

Let them withdraw from the environment.

When introverts get angry, they tend to withdraw from anywhere and anyone. 

But why should you let them do it instead of confronting them?

Well, for one thing, it’s not just about you. 

Introverts need time to cool off and think about what happened. If you don’t give them that space, it won’t help anyone, not even the angry introvert.

It also helps everyone involved if you let them be. You’ll be able to avoid a lot of unnecessary conflict by giving them space for their anger to pass through rather than exploding in your face.

If you’re unsure whether your introvert needs some space, try asking yourself the following questions.

  • Is this person’s anger causing them physical pain or harm?
  • Do they believe that their anger will hurt someone else physically?
  • Are they threatening violence against another person?
  • Is there no way for me to stop them from hurting themselves or others?

You can let an angry introvert be alone, but you must also ensure their safety. You should still check on them to see that they won’t hurt anyone or themselves due to their anger.

If you think they can harm you, you need to seek help from others.

Things that make introverts annoyed

There are different things that can result in an angry and annoyed introvert. 

Introverts have lots of patience, so when they reach this point, it means something serious arises. This is also why it’s important to know what you can do to avoid saving an introvert from being angry.

Invades their personal space.

Introverts get angry when someone intrudes on their personal space because they feel like they’re being forced to interact with someone they don’t want to interact with.

Introverts often need time to recharge after social interactions. 

So when a person comes up and asks them questions or makes demands of them, they would feel like they’ve no other choice but to answer or do what the other person wants. 

This can cause them to resent whoever is pushing them to interact when they don’t want to. So if you want a positive relationship with them, then make sure to respect their personal space.

Rude people

We all hate rude people. But introverts feel and take rudeness differently.

For introverts, rudeness can affect their mental health. When someone is rude, it can feel like a personal attack on their character or at least on who they think they are. 

When someone is rude to us, we may begin to question ourselves.

Did I do something wrong? 

Am I not good enough? 

If this person doesn’t like me, why would anyone else? 

These are all questions that many introverts ask themselves when others treat them poorly or act as though their opinions don’t matter.

Insults about their nature.

Insults about someone’s personality can make any introvert angry. It’s not just introverted, either. 

Anyone who values their personal space and the freedom to be themselves will probably feel a little defensive when they’re insulted.

And it makes sense. If someone insults your personality, they’re basically saying you’re wrong for being who you are. And that’s not something anyone likes to hear.

Introversion is just one example of a trait people might use as an insult. People can use many other traits as insults, too, like being confident and independent or being a good listener.

In general, insults about personality are just a way to put down someone’s identity and tell them that they don’t deserve respect or consideration simply because they don’t fit into the mold society has set for them.

Be compassionate!

We’ve been told that introverts are weird, but if you’re an extrovert reading this, remember that introverts are just as regular as extroverts.

It’s easy to forget that introverts have feelings. They’re not robots who don’t care what people think of them. They just have unique ways of expressing their emotions than extroverts do.

Introverts are also compassionate people. They can be hurt easily by criticism or judgmental comments from other people. But most importantly, they can be hurt by your words.

If you want an introvert to feel better when they’re feeling sad or angry, try being compassionate instead of judgmental. 

If someone hurts your feelings, wouldn’t it feel better if someone tried to understand why you were upset rather than telling you, “It’s no big deal”?

Garo Kotchounian

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