Deal Breakers in a relationship (Red Flags) With Introverts


A relationship can sometimes be good and sometimes bad. And admit it or not, there are some red flags you should keep an eye on in your relationship with introverts. That’s why I decided to list these deal breakers and explain it one-by-one to help you understand.

Red flags don’t mean that you need to break up immediately. These are only warnings or cautions you can keep an eye on to take action as soon as possible. These deal breakers include a partner who doesn’t respect and understand your alone time. Which makes you feel inferior due to your introverted personality, manipulative, forcing you to change yourself, no moral support, secretive, and lack of quality time.

Earlier, I said these red flags aren’t supposed to lead to an immediate break-up. However, there’s still a high chance that your relationship will be in trouble if you can see these signs between you.

And sometimes, instead of keeping a relationship full of deal breakers, the best way is to just end it for your sanity and health. But before you do that, let’s explain and look further at these deal breakers.

Relationship with Introverts: Here are some Red Flags to Keep an Eye On

a couple looking away of each other

Your partner doesn’t respect your alone time.

We all know that introverts are described as the following.

  • Tend to need a lot of quiet time to recharge
  • Prefers to spend more time inside than outside
  • Has a limited circle of friends
  • Takes too much time to weigh a decision if it’s right or not

Now, if your partner is constantly bugging you to hang out when you need alone time, or if they don’t understand why you want some space from them. Then it could be a sign that they aren’t respecting your needs as an introvert.

This can feel really frustrating for both parties because introverts are often at a loss for how to explain their need for solitude. Meanwhile, extroverts often have trouble understanding why someone would want to spend so much time alone.

This could be one of the consistent red flags you can experience many times, especially if you have an extrovert partner.

Suppose they don’t understand why it’s important to you or feel like they need to come along with you everywhere you go. In that case, it could signify that they don’t fully understand what an introvert means.

Your partner makes you feel you’re inferior due to your personality.

Trying to change may seem like a good idea when your partner makes you feel inferior due to your personality. But, when you’re an introvert, this is a red flag that your partner doesn’t understand what makes you tick.

When dating an introvert, it’s important to remember that they’re not doing this on purpose and aren’t trying to make you feel bad. They’re just themselves! Introverts are often misunderstood and undervalued by extroverts because they’re different.

If your partner is making comments about your personality, such as

  • Seeing it as “weird.”
  • Trying to get you to do things in a way that goes against the way you naturally act
  • Questions the way you communicate
  • Demands more from you

Then this is a sign that there may be some trouble down the road. You can’t expect someone else’s personality to change overnight; even if it did change, it would only be temporary and probably not for the better. 

Instead, we need people who are different from us to accept each other as equals simply. No one should ever compromise who they are for another person to get them as part of their life.

If they are being manipulative

introverted couple looking opposite sides of each other, broken heart background.

Introverts are prone to be manipulated, and it’s no surprise. This is because manipulation requires empathy and understanding another person’s needs, desires, and goals. The ability to empathize with someone is the cornerstone of trust. Since trust is vital for any healthy relationship, it makes sense that manipulation could threaten the stability of one between two introverts.

In addition to this vulnerability, there are other reasons why manipulative behavior is more likely to occur in relationships between two introverts.

  1. Introverts tend to be more self-absorbed than extroverts. This means they may have trouble seeing things from another person’s perspective or considering their needs in their own actions.
  2. Introverts tend to be less assertive than extroverts and, therefore, more vulnerable to being taken advantage of by people who are more aggressive or forceful with their own needs.
  3. Introverts are often less empathetic than extroverts because they’re less likely to put themselves in other people’s shoes. Therefore, they are less likely to realize whether or not something is harmful to them until it has already done damage.

Forces you to change yourself

As an introvert, you know that you tend to feel more comfortable in smaller groups. You may even enjoy spending time alone.

But suppose you’re looking for a partner or already have one. In that case, it’s essential to consider your partner’s introversion’s effect on your relationship.

For example:

  • If your partner is an introvert, too, then it won’t be a problem for either of you to spend time apart. 
  • Suppose your partner is an extrovert or used to have a lot of friends and family members around them all the time. In that case, this could cause some issues in your relationship.

Suppose you’re dating an extrovert who doesn’t understand why you need time alone every now and then. In that case, they might start pressuring you to do things with them instead of doing them yourself.

They might even try to get mad at you when you need time alone! This can make it seem like they are the problem when it’s just a difference in a personality type that needs addressing before it gets worse over time!

Lack or no moral support

Moral support is when you encourage someone to do something or have the confidence that they can do it.

In a relationship, moral support can come in many forms.

  • It’s often expressed through the following:
  • Words
  • Physical comfort
  • Extended actions or efforts to meet someone’s needs

When someone is introverted, they have to have a great deal of self-confidence and self-esteem to make the necessary choices. 

You also need a lot of moral support from the people around you. It’s essential that your partner supports your interests and passions and doesn’t try to talk you out of things or belittle them for wanting to do something different.

So, when an introvert has a partner who doesn’t understand this concept, it can be tough to feel like they have any kind of freedom in the relationship. 

They might feel they have to hide things from their partner because they know they won’t understand what it’s all about.

This kind of relationship can also lead to resentment on both sides.

Your partner is always secretive

One of the most giant red flags in an introverted relationship is a partner who doesn’t want to share things about themselves.

This can be anything such as

  • Their deepest secrets and fears
  • What they do for fun
  • Their errands
  • Their acquaintances
  • Even the fact that they’ve been feeling lonely lately.

If you’re an introvert, you know how important it is to have someone willing to share with you, and if your partner isn’t doing that, it can feel like they’re hiding something big.

We all have only things we don’t want others to know, but if those things are hurting us or keeping us from being our best selves, we need to be able to talk about them with someone else. That’s why having someone who will listen and help solve problems is so important for an introvert.

Lack of quality time with each other

introverted couples in distance

The first issue that comes to mind regarding introverts and extroverts in relationships is a lack of quality time spent together.

Introverts are often viewed as quiet people who prefer to be alone and enjoy their own company. 

However, this doesn’t mean introverts don’t want or need relationships. They just need time to process information more than extroverts do. This means they may need more time alone after spending time with others.

For this reason, if your partner is an introvert, it’s essential to make sure that you spend alone time together every once in a while so they can process what happened during your time together. 

This will help them feel like they can still engage with you without feeling overwhelmed!

What to do when you see these red flags?

Now that you know some of the red flags in your relationship with introverts, you might want to know some initial things you can do. 

It’s easy to get overwhelmed and pressured when you see these red flags, but there are better ways how you can handle them.

Here are some important things you can take note of.

Be an observer and pay more attention.

The first thing you might want to do is to confirm what you’ve seen in your relationship. 

You don’t want to be overdramatic, so you must take your time and see if the issues are consistently happening. You might want to observe the following.

  • Disrespectful statements
  • Dishonesty
  • The frequent argument that you can’t seem to handle
  • Violence and harm

But note that violence and harm are signs that you need to act quickly. These two are the exceptions. Don’t just observe and make sure to work on what needs to be done before it gets worse. 

If ending the relationship will keep you safe, do so.

Be open to your partner about the issues.

Addressing the issues or red flags themselves is the most critical part. 

Be open to them if your partner can’t notice these red flags. Tell them that lately, you see these deal breakers in your relationship and that it’s not healthy anymore. After that, you can ask the following questions.

  • Are you aware of these issues happening?
  • How do you feel and think about these issues? 
  • Do you have any other observations that can put our relationship at risk?

Set possible solutions to these issues.

After opening up about the red flags, you need to identify how you can save your relationship. Ending it immediately isn’t ideal, especially if you love that person. 

You can proceed with this step unless there’s no physical violence and harm. So, how can you come up with solutions?

  • Ask your partner about his opinion on the issue before giving yours.
  • Offer what solutions you have in your mind.
  • Ask your partner if the solution you offered is acceptable or comfortable for them.
  • If not, ask them how they want to approach it.
  • Set clear boundaries.
  • Reach out to a counselor to gain the proper insight on solving these issues.

Define what you want in a relationship. 

One best way to ensure our relationship stays healthy is, to be honest with each other about what you’re expecting and looking for in a partner. 

It’s easy to get caught up in old habits and settle for a partner who doesn’t fulfill your needs, but if you have a clear idea of what you want, it’s easier to find someone who can give it to you!

Here are some questions to ask.

  • What do I want from a relationship? 
  • Do I want an exclusive relationship? 
  • Do I want someone who will help me grow as a person? 
  • Do I want someone who will support me in my career goals? 
  • How important is it to my special someone to share my interests? 
  • How important is it for my special someone to like my friends?

Make changes as needed, but do not overdo it!

It’s essential to recognize that introverts need their alone time and can be very sensitive to their environment.

However, suppose your relationship is running into trouble because of the abovementioned factors. In that case, it might be time for both parties to make changes.

If you’re an introvert and have trouble in your relationship with an extrovert, try talking about the issue with them. You can also try setting boundaries for yourself so that you get enough alone time but still feel like you’re not neglecting your partner.

Meanwhile, if you’re an extrovert who feels like your introverted partner isn’t giving you enough attention, try talking about what’s happening between you.

Try explaining why it’s essential for you to be included in their plans or why they should be open to hanging out with more people.

If all else fails and there’s no way around this issue, or if it gets too complicated, maybe it’s time for one of you to move on and find someone who isn’t as hard on each other’s needs.

But before you let go, you can always try to make a change. Don’t try to force changing yourself to the point that it becomes mentally unhealthy.

Garo Kotchounian

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