How To Let Go Of Somebody (Danger Of Holding On to People Who Neglect us)

Letting go of someone is a painful process. But do you know that when you let go of the person who neglects you, you can enjoy life with love, compassion, gratitude, and happiness? If you find letting go of somebody very challenging, I’ll share some ways how you can do it!

There is no shortcut when letting go of somebody, especially if you find that person close or special to you. 

But it won’t also make sense if you’ll trap yourself in a relationship you don’t deserve. For you to let go, I’ll recommend these three phases. The first phase is the acceptance process, the second is the organization process, and the last is planning for future relationships.

I’ll elaborate more on these phases below. But before that, let’s understand why you should never settle for someone who neglects you and the danger of staying in this kind of relationship.

introverted man starting new path facing the road

Let go or punish yourself.

There are many problems associated with holding on to people who neglect us.

  • It can cause us to lose sight of what we deserve. 
  • It’s a total waste of time.
  • It can negatively consume us.

Suppose we stay in the relationship long enough. In that case, our partners will realize the error of their ways and change their behavior towards us. However, this rarely happens because the person who is mistreating us knows precisely what they’re doing and why.

This means that instead of waiting for our partner to change, we need to take control of our lives by finding someone to treat us better. The longer you wait, the more time you waste being neglected and feeling bad about yourself.

Phase 1. Acceptance

Accepting the relationship you don’t deserve is the first step in letting go of it. This can be overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that you’re not accepting everything about that person just because they’re in your life

This means accepting their presence, their actions, and even their words.

Acknowledge the reality of who they are.

If you’re dealing with someone who neglects you, it’s tempting to wonder if they’ll ever change.

But the truth is, people can’t just flip a switch and become someone else. You can’t force someone to change their nature or personality. You can only control your reaction to them, and your response is what leads to change.

If someone’s always been neglectful, then the best thing you can do is acknowledge that reality.

  • Look at what they do.
  • Think about why they do it.
  • Are they selfish?
  • Do they have issues with boundaries?
  • Do they not know how to express themselves?

Once you’ve figured out the issue, let go of the idea that this person will change into someone who cares enough about you to make an effort for your relationship. 

Accept how they treat you.

After acknowledging that you’re getting what you don’t deserve, you must accept it. Acknowledging is different from acceptance.

  • Acceptance is when you tell yourself that this relationship is already dead.
  • It’s accepting that the relationship will not work out between you, so focus on finding ways to improve yourself instead of trying to change them.

Part of acceptance is also not trying to go back over and over again to that person just because you still have feelings for him or her. This is where you’ll find self-love.

Understand that there is no justification for their actions.

The worst thing about being neglected is that it can make you feel like your feelings don’t matter.

If you’ve been neglected in some way by a romantic partner, friend, or family member, you might feel like they don’t care about you.

 You might feel like they don’t see your value and maybe even think they’re right not to see it!

But the fact is that there’s no justification for neglecting someone. 

It’s not something anyone deserves. And even if your partner/friend/family member thinks they’re justified in their behavior, they aren’t. 

Instead of trying to figure out:

  • Why did they do that?
  • What did they do?

You must stay focused on yourself and your own needs. 

  • What do you need to feel good about yourself? 
  • What would help you feel happier at this moment?

Asking yourself these questions will help bring clarity to your situation so that when the person who neglected and hurt you comes back around again, they won’t be able to push your buttons or manipulate you into feeling bad about yourself again.

Stop rationalizing their behavior.

Here’s the thing about relationships, sometimes, you must do the work. That’s just life.

But in many cases, people tend to rationalize the behavior of their partners. They tell themselves that their partner is just busy, stressed out at work, or having a bad day and that it’s not their fault they’re ignoring them.

The problem with this approach is that it’s not true. You can’t just excuse someone’s bad behavior by saying, “they’re probably just stressed out.”

That doesn’t change anything! If your partner is acting like that, then that means that’s really who they’re, and you deserve better than that.

So what do you do instead?

To stop rationalizing the behavior of the person who neglects you so you can let go of that relationship, here are some steps you can take.

  • Stop asking yourself why they do what they do.
  • Stop questioning their motives for treating you poorly, and it’s not about you!
  • Be honest about how their behavior makes you feel, such as hurt, angry and frustrated, instead of focusing on what they’re doing wrong.

Phase 2. Organize yourself

This phase is crucial in the process of letting go. You must commit yourself to fully letting go of that relationship.

Make lists of reasons why letting them go is good for you.

When letting go of somebody, you need to see what’s in it. You need motivation, and one way to have it is to list the reasons or benefits of letting go of that person. 

Your list can go like this!

  • I will be healthier.
  • I will be happier.
  • I’ll have more time to do the things I like.
  • I will have more money.
  • I won’t have to deal with their negativity.
  • I’ll be able to focus on myself and my own happiness.
  • I’ll stop feeling like I can’t breathe.
  • My friends and family will love me more.
  • I deserve a person who loves me and treats me right.
  • I won’t have to worry about what they’re doing or how they feel about me because it doesn’t matter!

Making this kind of list is easy. You just need to concentrate on yourself and the positive things you want to achieve when you let go of that person.

Forgive yourself and them.

When you’re in a toxic relationship, it’s easy to feel like you did something wrong. That’s why it’s so important to forgive yourself for staying in the relationship and forgive your partner for neglecting you.

What does forgiving mean?

  • Forgiving yourself means letting go of any guilt or shame about staying in a bad relationship or not ending things sooner. 
  • Forgiving yourself means acknowledging that you did what felt right at the time, given your circumstances, and that now is a different time with different circumstances and that this new time calls for further decisions.

Forgiving your partner may be harder, especially if they were abusive or neglectful. Still, it’s essential to healing from this experience. 

Forgiving them means accepting that they weren’t able to do better by you and letting go of any anger or resentment towards them.

Take care of yourself.

Taking care of yourself is essential when you’re trying to let go of a neglected person and relationship.

It’s easy to feel like the only way you can escape the pain of your situation is by throwing yourself into something else like anything else! But if you don’t take time to practice self-care, it’s easy to fall back into old habits and get trapped in a cycle of unhealthy relationships.

So when you’re trying to let go of a neglected person and relationship, here are some things you can do.

  • Try meditation or another type of relaxation technique.
  • Eat healthy meals every day and drink lots of water.
  • Spend time with people who can make you feel good about yourself.
  • Don’t isolate yourself.
  • Be kind to yourself.
  • If you can afford it, buy yourself a massage or other indulgence to help you relax and feel good about your body.
  • Take up running or yoga. Maybe even swimming! Make sure whatever you choose allows you to feel good in your skin.

Move forward without regrets.

Letting go of a relationship is complicated. But it doesn’t have to be as devastating as movies and TV make it out to be if you’re willing to work through some steps.

Suppose you’re stuck in a relationship full of neglect or have just decided it’s time for you to move on. There are ways to do so without leaving yourself feeling regretful or guilty about the decision.

Here are a couple of tips for moving on without regrets.

  • Make sure you understand what your needs are and what your partner is capable of providing for them. If they can’t give you what you need, then it’s time to move on.
  • Figure out how much of the relationship was real and how much of it was just a fantasy that didn’t exist in reality. 

Suppose we were more focused on our fantasies than on who our partners really were. In that case, we might feel more regret when we realize how unrealistic our expectations were.

Phase 3. Future Relationship Plans

You can’t blame yourself for falling into this kind of relationship, but you can avoid it if you plan it.

This phase will teach you how to prepare yourself for a healthy and rewarding relationship.

Be proactive about meeting people who bring joy into your life.

You can only sometimes avoid the wrong people, but you can proactively seek the right ones.

The best way to do this includes the following.

  • Going out and doing things that interest you.
  • Hanging out with friends and family members who make you happy.
  • Reaching out to new people, especially those who seem like they might share your interests or values.

There are various ways to connect to new people without much efforts, such as

  • Online dating apps
  • Meetup groups
  • Volunteering opportunities at places like libraries or museums

It might feel scary at first, but if you tell yourself that it’s worth it and will lead to better relationships, then the fear will fade away quickly!

Know that you deserve to give your time and attention to people who value and appreciate it.

Sometimes it can be hard to know when you’re giving the right amount of your time and attention. Here’s how to tell if you’re doing it right.

  • Are you spending time with people who appreciate you?
  • Do they value what you have to offer? If so, then you’re probably okay.

If not, it’s time to reevaluate how much time and energy you’re giving others and how much you deserve for yourself.

Once you confirm that you’re in the wrong relationship, let go and turn your attention, time, and priority to those who deserve it.

Letting go of people who don’t treat us like we deserve is important for our well-being.

Letting go can be hard to do, especially when you’re so used to being treated poorly. And it’s even harder when you’re aiming to be a good person and feel like you deserve better.

But the truth is, if someone doesn’t treat you well, they’re not your friend and not worth your time or energy. They will never change. So why keep them around?

If someone treats you poorly, that’s their problem, not yours. It’s not about what YOU did wrong; it’s about what THEY did wrong. And guess what? You don’t have to endure it anymore. If someone doesn’t treat you well, let them go!

There are many people out there who will treat us well. We just need to find them!

Garo Kotchounian

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