What Can I DO When I Feel Not Good Enough (8 Situations)


It is troubling to feel that you’re not good enough, mainly if it occurs now and then. It’s one of the most complex problems to deal so for today. I will give you some ways how you can handle the idea of not being good enough.

The first thing you should know to resolve this issue is that it starts and ends within you. You can do it by taking a break, avoiding comparison to others, reminding yourself of your accomplishments, discarding overthinking, meditating, exercising, surrounding yourself with the right people, stopping fulfilling people’s expectations, and a few more. 

We’ve all felt the constant feeling that you’re not good enough. It’s a feeling that can be challenging to shake, especially when you’re in it.

But don’t worry! You can do things to get out of your funk and start feeling better about yourself!

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You might feel you’re not good enough with solutions in different scenarios!

The feeling when you feel like you’re not good enough can hit you anytime and anywhere. 

I know that we all have different roles and our situations are all relative. So I made a list of scenarios when you might feel you’re not good enough, together with possible solutions you can take.

School 

Feeling not good enough at school is a widespread feeling among students. It’s especially tough when you’re in a class where you just don’t know what to do, and the teacher doesn’t seem to either.

Most of the time, you’ll feel like you’re lagging in your class, especially if you find the subject really challenging. This could hinder your progress and focus on what’s most important.

What can you do?

  • When you start feeling you’re not good enough, pause and take a break.
  • Go back with all your accomplishments and remind yourself that you’re doing great.
  • Keep track of the goals that you’ve already achieved.
  • Plan your day and set up realistic goals to avoid frustration in the end.

Work

At work, we all want to feel like we’re doing our best, but sometimes it’s hard to know if that’s the case. 

Maybe you feel like you’re not contributing enough, or perhaps you don’t know how to do what your boss asks of you. Either way, it can be really frustrating and make you feel stressed out.

Two things make us feel like this.

The first is our own doubts, and the second is what other people tell us. The problem with both things is that they’re entirely subjective, which means they can’t be true or false.

What can you do?

  • Take a quick break and breathe deeply so you can organize your thoughts.
  • Don’t see everything that happens to work as personal. Be objective.
  • Remind yourself of the contributions you’ve made in the past for your team.
  • Try to list the possible contributions or help you can offer to your team in the future.
  • Always ask if you don’t understand the discussion during meetings.
  • Talk to yourself with kindness and affirmation.

Sports team 

It can be a good thing if you want to improve yourself. It means you want to be the best version of yourself and are willing to do the work. 

But when it’s about working with others, you might find that your assessment of “not good enough” affects your ability to do your job well.

Your job may require you to have specific skills or knowledge, but it’s not just about getting by. It’s about being an asset to your team and contributing positively. It might be time for self-reflection if you feel like you’re not pulling your weight.

What can you do?

  • Give yourself a break, but not long enough.
  • Your coach will surely help you out. Ask your coach what area you need to improve, and honestly tell them what you feel. 
  • Identify where you’re good at and use them to leverage your performance.
  • Work with your team and not alone since teamwork is essential.
  • Be kind to yourself and to your team members.
  • Practice more.
  • Be optimistic.

At home

Not feeling good enough at home can be a result of any number of things. 

It could be that you’re not getting the attention you feel you deserve, or it could be that you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be perfect.

What can you do?

  • Always maintain good communication with your parents.
  • Take a moment to think about why you’re feeling this way.
  • If you think you’ve done something wrong, try to exert an effort to make things right.
  • If you think you’re not perfect enough as a daughter or son, remind yourself of what you’ve done for your family.
  • Do not compare yourself to your siblings.
  • Work with your siblings and parents to achieve a common goal for your family.
  • Make a list of your responsibilities at home, and ensure you’ll handle them wisely.
  • Don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t lock yourself in a room. Instead, spend time with your family. Sometimes, it’s just a misunderstanding that you should clarify.

In a circle of friends

You have a lot of friends. You love them, and you know they love you. But sometimes, you feel like a fraud when you’re around them.

You don’t know why, but sometimes it feels like they’re so much more “together” than you. For example, they have their lives figured out and are on track to where they want to be. While you’re just flailing around and trying to figure out who you are and what you want to do in life. 

What can you do?

  • Don’t live with the expectations of your friends or other people.
  • Remind yourself that friendships don’t mean and require superiority and inferiority.
  • Don’t compare yourself to any of your friends since everything is relative.
  • Don’t feel like you need to be like them.
  • Choose the path that makes you fulfilled and happy.
  • Avoid making friends with toxic people.
  • Choose your friends wisely.
  • Select a friend with that you can share your lows genuinely.
  • Ignore negative comments of your friends about you or anyone else.

As a partner 

We all have our insecurities. Sometimes, we feel like we’re not good enough for someone else or are too much of a burden to our partner. 

We might have felt that way when we first started dating our partner, or maybe it’s something that developed over time. It can be incredibly tough to get past those feelings regardless of when they started.

What can you do?

  • Identify the reasons why you feel you’re not good enough.
  • Talk to your partner about it.
  • Always communicate. Provide solutions and take action. Especially if problems like those happen again.
  • Remind yourself that there’s no perfect partner, that you’re not perfect, and that there’s no perfect relationship.
  • Own your responsibilities and mistakes in your relationship.
  • Reminisce those happy moments you and your partner shared and tell yourself that you’re each other’s happiness.

As a parent

There are various reasons why sometimes, you feel like you’re not good enough as a parent. 

You might be worried about raising your kids in an increasingly uncertain world and the impact that will have on their future. Or maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed by the sheer amount of responsibility you have as a parent. 

Maybe it’s just hard to find time for yourself, and even when you do, there’s never enough time to do everything you want.

What can you do?

  • Treat yourself to a silent or me-time so you can clear your mind.
  • Identify why you’re feeling this way and what part of being a parent makes you feel like you’re not good enough.
  • Provide solutions to those areas that need improvement.
  • Lay down all your strengths as a parent and use them as a key to improving your parenting.
  • Talk to someone so you can get insights or opinions about parenting.
  • Acknowledge what you’ve done for the family so far.
  • Praise yourself for working so hard.
  • Be friendly and kind to yourself, and don’t forget to take a break.

As a daughter or son

We all have our own insights about what it means to be a good daughter or son, and it can be hard to live up to those expectations.

When we’re children, our parents are the ones who tell us what we need to do and how we should act. We may want to please them, but it can be difficult if they don’t make sense, are too strict, or expect too much of us.

If you feel like your parents are constantly criticizing you and pointing out flaws in your behavior, it can be hard to know how to respond. Maybe you start second-guessing your own decisions, or perhaps you begin feeling hopeless about ever being able to please them, and then the cycle continues.

But there are ways that you can break this cycle!

What can you do?

  • Don’t compare yourself to your friend or neighbor as an offspring.
  • Don’t compete with your siblings. Instead, work with them.
  • Don’t put so much pressure on yourself.
  • Talk to your parents nicely about your problems in academics or just anything about you so they can set their expectations right.
  • Spend time with your family more.
  • Befriend your mother or father and run to them whenever you feel down. They have the magic to make everything all right.
  • Challenge yourself to do more and leave your comfort zone to make yourself and your parents proud.
  • Talk about your parent’s expectations of you, and then see if you can work it out.

The Fear of Imperfection, Atelophobia

Fear of imperfection, known as atelophobia, is a fear of not being good enough. 

It’s the fear that you’ll be discovered as a fraud or that people will see through your facade and realize that you’re just not as great as they thought.

It’s a mental illness that can only be diagnosed by a professional, and it’s a serious one.

We don’t conclude that you have atelophobia if you’re not feeling good enough. Besides, feeling this way is normal, and almost everyone experiences it.

However, suppose you have an obsessive fear of imperfection, to the point that you procrastinate or avoid doing things because you’re afraid it won’t work. In that case, there’s a high chance you have this phobia.

The fear of imperfection has various symptoms, such as the following.

  • Self-critical
  • Low self-confidence and self-esteem
  • Poor self-treatment and image
  • Never fulfilled with their efforts
  • Acknowledges self-worth only through accomplishments
  • Sees the imperfection of others.
  • Self-hatred

What causes Atelophobia?

There are no defined causes of atelophobia, but there are things that could trigger it. This includes the following.

  • Genetics. If your genes have a history of phobias or anxiety, there’s a high chance you’ll develop atelophobia.
  • Environment. An environment that constantly criticizes an individual for not doing good enough can contribute to the development of atelophobia.
  • Childhood experiences. Children experience a lot during their early years and are constantly criticized and rejected for whatever they do. They have a high risk of developing atelophobia.

How to treat Atelophobia?

Atelophobia has no definite treatment, but medications and therapies can be a lot of help.

For example, CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy can aid someone copes with the environment and solving problems.

This therapy will train them to redirect their irrational view about imperfection. Moreover, anti-anxiety medications can also help people with this phobia.

Again, atelophobia can only be diagnosed by a professional.

General tips for a more mentally healthy you!

Now that we’re talking about the possible solutions above, let’s look at some essential yet helpful practices that can contribute to a more mentally healthy you.

These practices are simple yet often overlooked ways to become healthier inside. 

And I would like to reiterate that it can lead you to a more positive and fulfilled life if you start doing it.

Take a look at this!

  • Don’t use social media as a basis for who you are.
  • Limit the use of social media since online communities can be toxic.
  • Meditate so you can prepare yourself before starting your day.
  • Eat healthy foods.
  • Don’t listen to what others will tell you.
  • Don’t live with the expectations of others.
  • Always start small if you want to accomplish something.
  • Surround yourself with the right people.
  • Celebrate your small wins!
  • Cry when you feel like it.
  • Write about how your feel.
  • Own your responsibilities and accomplishments.
  • Don’t be too harsh on yourself.
  • Make changes in your environment if needed.
  • Constantly challenge yourself to do something new.

Takeaway

In conclusion, there’s no shame in feeling like you’re not good enough. But if you’re feeling that way and want to feel better, try some of the things we’ve suggested here. You’ll be amazed and shocked at how much better you have become!

Likewise, remember that these feelings aren’t permanent. They come and go—like everything else in life!

When you start to feel not good enough, ask yourself if this feeling is actually true. If it is, you can probably take some steps to feel better about yourself. But if it isn’t true, if this feeling is just a passing thought, then don’t waste your time worrying about it! Just let it pass and move forward with your day.

Remember that you are enough just as you are!

Garo Kotchounian

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