Be The Love You Never Received (Learn To Love Yourself First)

Self-love is everything. It’s the thing you need to find peace and contentment in life. But admit it or not, knowing where to start is challenging. So, if you’re here to learn more about self-love, I’ll share some essential things you can do about it.

Life isn’t about pleasing other people. Real happiness lies in loving yourself more. So, how do you do this? The first step is to know more about yourself. You need to learn more about who you are; the prerequisite is avoiding comparing yourself to others. 

Aside from those two main steps, part of loving yourself is saying no to things and people if you need to, rewarding yourself now and then, forgiving yourself, standing up for yourself, and pursuing things that make you happy.

These things are indeed challenging, but it’s also the most rewarding you can give to yourself. This is true, especially if you think you haven’t received the love you deserve until now. It’s a sign that says you need to give this lost love to yourself instead!

introverted girl turned her back to the camera and looking towards the jungle

How to love yourself?

There are different ways you can make time and love yourself. But here are the most crucial ones.

Know who you are.

“To know yourself is to love yourself” is a famous saying often used to motivate people to learn more about themselves. But what does it actually mean?

In essence, “to know yourself” means to be aware of your

  • Thoughts
  • Feelings
  • Behaviors

It means understanding how you feel and think and recognizing how your thoughts and emotions affect your behavior. It also involves being honest about who you are, including your strengths and weaknesses, and accepting all aspects of yourself.

Self-knowledge can be challenging to achieve because we all have biases that prevent us from seeing ourselves objectively.

But you know what?

Self-knowledge is essential for several reasons.

  1. First, it can help you make better decisions by understanding your own motivations and emotions.
  2. Second, it can improve your relationships by giving you insight into how your behavior affects others.
  3. Finally, it can boost your self-esteem and confidence by helping you accept and appreciate yourself.

Avoid comparing yourself to others. 

It’s quick to fall into the trap of thinking we’re not good enough because we don’t measure up to someone else. But the truth is, a comparison is a thief of joy. It robs us of our self-worth and creates feelings of inadequacy.

When we compare ourselves to others, we usually compare our worst qualities with their best ones. 

We focus on what’s wrong with us and magnify it while downplaying what’s right about us. This distorted view prevents us from seeing and loving ourselves for who we really are.

So if you want to love yourself more, cut out the comparisons.

Saying no to unnecessary people and things.

Saying no can be difficult, but doing what’s best for YOU is important. Here are two of my powerful reminders.

  • Let it go if someone or something is not adding value to your life. 
  • You don’t need negativity in your life. Only take positive vibes that will help you develop as a person.

It’s easy to get caught up in other people’s lives and forget about your own happiness. But if you want to be truly happy, you must focus on your life and what makes you happy.

So if you’re ready for self-love, start by saying no more often.

Rewarding yourself.

Self-love is something we should all work hard for. When we love ourselves, we are happier and more content. We feel better about who we are and are more likely to take care of ourselves. One way to show yourself some self-love is by rewarding yourself when you do something good.

For example:

  • If you stick to your workout routine for a week, treat yourself to a new pair of shoes or a massage. 
  • If you eat healthy all week, indulge in your favorite dessert on the weekend. 
  • If you did so much work this week, travel this weekend!

Whatever makes you happy, do it for yourself as a reward for taking care of yourself! When we reward ourselves, it shows that we value our efforts and appreciate our hard work.

Forgiving yourself.

If you want to love yourself, you need to forgive yourself. It’s not always easy to do, but it’s so important. Why? Because holding onto anger and resentment towards yourself will only hurt you in the long run. It will prevent you from moving on and enjoying your life.

Think about it this way.

  • If someone did something to hurt you, would you want them to keep feeling guilty about it forever? Of course not!

You would want them to forgive themselves for moving on with their lives. The same goes for forgiving yourself. It’s a necessary step for self-love and healing.

Standing up for yourself.

To fight for what you believe and what you need means self-love. You need to be your own advocate and fight for what you want and deserve. That’s one way how you can truly accept yourself. 

Here are some reasons why standing up for yourself is essential for self-love.

  • When you stand up for yourself, it shows that you respect your own needs and wants. This, in turn, increases your self-respect and appreciation. If you don’t stand up for what’s important to YOU, how can you expect others to? 
  • When you assert yourself and set boundaries, it shows that you know your own worth. This builds up your self-esteem and confidence, making it easier for you to love and accept yourself.
  • If you don’t stand up for the things you believe in, then you’re not being true to yourself. This can lead to feelings of self-doubt and insecurity. But standing up for what you want reaffirms your convictions and allows you to be proud of yourself.

Pursuing things that make you happy.

When you do happy things, your attitude and behavior show up. You become more positive and confident, which are two desirable qualities. 

People are drawn to those who exude happiness and self-love. By pursuing activities that bring joy into your life, you’re also opening yourself up to receiving more love from others.

It’s important to remember that not all people will understand or support your decision to do what makes you happy. But if you know it’s right for you, go for it!

Be the love that you deserve!

Indeed, loving yourself isn’t an easy thing to do. But you should also know that only you can make yourself happy and fulfilled. Likewise, if there’s one thing I learned about life, you should not rely on someone or something to be satisfied. 

You need to find it within you, and you can only achieve this genuine happiness if you learn to love yourself. The rest will follow if you start prioritizing yourself.

You know what you deserve and must work hard to give it yourself.

Garo Kotchounian

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