How To Stop Thinking of Someone (Real Life Experience)


It’s hard to separate yourself from someone who is not supposed to be with your side anymore, but life must go on. Part of this ‘moving on process is you need to stop thinking about them. If you’re someone who’s having a rough path discarding a person in your mind, this post will lay down my advice for you.

There are various ways you can remove someone running on your mind. You can start by cutting your connection to them literally, avoiding stalking them, distracting yourself positively, prioritizing what’s more important, accepting, sitting with your pain, and a few more. All of these could be painful, but it is effective if only you’ll commit.

Coldplay, a British band, once stated in their song, The Scientist, “Nobody said it was easy.”

Indeed, pulling away someone so dear and unique in your mind won’t be easy. But you have to, or else you’ll get stuck in a dark situation that could affect your whole life. 

Before we discuss how you can stop yourself from thinking about that person, let’s first see why your mind keeps doing it.

Introverted guy watching his own reflection on the water

Reasons why you keep on thinking about someone

According to psychology, there are different explanations for why your mind keeps thinking of that person. 

What are these reasons, and what could it be your reason why?

Take a look at this list!

Attachment

Attachment is a psychological theory that describes the dynamics of long-term relationships between people. 

It explores the nature of close relationships, how they are formed, and their impact on other aspects of social behavior.

It is also a way to describe how much you care about someone. It depends on how much you trust that person, how emotionally close you feel toward them, and how much they care about you.

Attraction

Attraction is a tricky thing. Many things contribute to whether or not you feel attracted to someone, and it can be hard to identify them all.

But you should know that there are three types of attraction, and these are;

  • Physical attraction is when you find a person physically attractive or don’t! This can include whether they have a good sense of style and how they carry themselves.
  • Emotional attraction is how much you like someone as a person.
  • Intellectual attraction is about how intelligent someone appears to be. Do they seem smart? Are they interested in learning new things?

Emotional dependency

Emotional dependency is when you rely on another person for your happiness. When that person doesn’t make you happy, you feel like nothing can make you happy. 

It’s an unhealthy cycle that can lead to severe issues in relationships.

Sense of comfort

A sense of comfort in relationships is the feeling that you belong with your partner and are safe with them. 

It’s when you can let your guard down and be yourself without fear of judgment or rejection. Your sense of comfort with that person could be why you keep thinking about them.

Deep admiration

When you admire someone’s character this way, it can be hard to let go of that feeling even after the relationship ends. 

That’s why it’s essential to identify when you’re experiencing deep admiration in your relationship and ensure that you don’t let it cloud your mind.

Curiosity

Curiosity is a trait we all have to some degree, but it can also be unspoken.

This is when you want to know more about someone or something. This could leave you more focused on that person and would even exert effort to find answers to your questions about them.

Curiosity can take up so much space in your mind, making it hard to stop thinking about that person.

Strategies to redirect your thinking!

I am sure that one of the reasons above hit you. So, for now, let’s talk about the basics and the fundamental ways how you can stop thinking of someone. 

Cut your connection

Cutting your connection to the person who became unique to you could be challenging. But there are ways you can do it.

First, you need to literally cut your connection to them. Take a look at the following ways that you can apply.

  • Delete their contact number on your phone.
  • Unfriend, unfollow, or block them on social media.
  • Don’t entertain a conversation that includes the name of that person.
  • Remove all the things in your room that reminds you of that person.
  • Don’t talk anything about them.

Meanwhile, the second way is through your cognitive power.

How do you do this?

You can do it through the visualization technique, such as imagining them being far away from you. This helps give you some distance, which can help make it easier to forget about them.

If you find this method too difficult, try imagining them as someone else who’s unimportant or has no impact on your life. The more you apply it, the quicker it will become to think of them as someone else.

Don’t stalk them

When you want to remove someone from your mind, your mind will even trick you more. 

Don’t fall into this trap of your mind. Instead, counter it. You’ll become more curious about what’s happening and what they are up to.

I know it’s tempting to visit their profiles online and read about their updates, but trust me, it won’t help your situation.

Try to commit and promise yourself not to open these platforms when you’re still in the moving-on process.

  • Facebook 
  • Twitter 
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Tiktok 
  • And other online community platforms

If you really want to get away with that person, don’t open your social media accounts unless you can control yourself not to enter their name in the search bar. 

I mean, it’s OK to visit your social media accounts but do not search their name out of curiosity!

Distract yourself positively

We’ve all been there, trying to focus on something else, but you think about how much you miss the person or how they hurt you. Before you know it, you’re having a pity party.

But there are plenty of ways to distract yourself positively! You can do it through some of these strategies.

  • Focus on the hobby you want the most.
  • Trying new things such as learning an instrument or a new sport.
  • Going on hiking or travel.
  • Challenging yourself through academic goals.
  • Listening to upbeat music.
  • Watching movies.
  • Accomplishing things on your bucket list.

You see, there are plenty of ways how you can distract yourself. Just note that there are negative distractions, too, and avoid them when you think you’re slowly falling into its trap.

Focus on the distractions that can lead you to self-improvement and self-exploration.

Prioritize what’s more important

Admit it or not, there are other essential things to think about rather than that person. 

After all, people in our lives just come and go, so why not turn your focus into something permanent that could lead to self-improvement?

Some of the most important things are as follows.

  • Your studies and academic goals
  • Your relationship with your family.
  • Your bond with your friends. 
  • Career growth and plans.
  • Most importantly, yourself.

If all of these are too much to handle, you can pick one or two priorities.

For example, if you’re a student, choose to have academic accomplishments while strengthening your relationship with your family.

Moreover, if you’re an adult, you should focus on developing a career path and thinking of how you can be more satisfied in your current job.

Whatever you choose, make sure to commit and make yourself even busier.

Acceptance

Acceptance is indeed a hard pill to swallow for most people. 

This is also one main hindrance why we tend to find removing someone from our mind really hard. But you should know that acceptance is also the key so we can remove these people from our system.

I am sure that you want to stop thinking over someone because he’s no longer suitable for you. 

Although you know he’s no longer affecting you positively, it’s still hard to let go of that person in your mind.

So for you to fully embrace and accept what happened, here’s what I recommend you to do.

  • Do not blame anyone for the situation that happened. It’s neither you nor that person’s fault. 
  • See the situation as it is. No, what ifs, or what could it be?
  • Do not take all the happenings on yourself personally; try to see it objectively.
  • Start getting used to what is here now and stop looking back at the past.
  • Do not punish yourself for what happened.
  • Do not give any response or actions when you’ve heard something about the situation. In short, ignore it.
  • Finally, realize that acceptance can offer you a more precise version of what happened and that there come benefits after accepting the way it is.

Seize the pain

If there’s what we call seize the moment, there’s also this: Seize the pain.

We need to accept the reality that life gives us rough paths and that sometimes, the best way not to think of someone is to submerge yourself in whatever is hurting you until you get tired of it.

This is also part of acceptance. You need to see through a lens why it happened and how painful it is. The time will come that you’ll get exhausted from all these things.

When you seize the pain and take your time to think it through, you’ll surely gain the confidence to let go of that person, literally and figuratively. 

You can stop thinking about them by realizing the pain and using it to improve yourself.

Have the right mindset

Being mindful of the situation is essential in removing someone from your mind. 

You can have the right mindset by doing these things.

  • Utilizing positive words when talking to yourself.
  • Discarding the negative ideas.
  • Directing your thoughts to a more happy and more positive position in life.
  • Credit yourself and recognize what you’ve done positively.
  • Forgive the person and yourself too. 

Feeding yourself with the right mindset can take you a long way in life. And one essential part of having the right attitude is by becoming an optimistic person. 

Don’t overthink

Overthinking is a mental state where you are constantly thinking about someone or something in a way that makes your life harder. 

It’s when you overthink, making you feel like you’re spinning your wheels without getting anywhere.

The most common form of overthinking is worry. 

When we overthink something, we’re not focusing on what’s happening. Instead, we’re worrying about all the possibilities for how things could go wrong. And maybe even some things that haven’t happened yet!

The thing about overthinking is that it’s often not useful at all. In fact, it can make things worse than they would be otherwise.

How to fall asleep when you’re constantly thinking of someone?

The night is one of the gruesome parts of the day for someone constantly thinking about someone. The different situations running on our minds at night make sleeping hard to achieve.

If you’re like this, you can follow these tips.

  1. Leave your bed after 20 to 30 minutes of trying to sleep. 
  2. Do some things that could distract you or make you feel tired.
  3. Go to your study table and write everything that’s been bothering you.
  4. Do not use your phone, laptop, or any devices that emit light. 
  5. Practice deep breathing before going back to bed.
  6. Make sure to turn off the light to activate more of your melatonin.
  7. Don’t try so hard. Just relax and know that after writing what’s disturbing you, everything will be alright from now on.

It’s time to break free!

There’s no easy answer to this query nor a shortcut process to do it. You have to take it daily and practice the things that help you let go of that person in your mind.

I would also like to remind you that the best way to stop thinking about someone is to admit the fact that you’re thinking about them and determine whether it’s healthy for you or not.

If you recognize that your thoughts are harmful to your mental health, consider listing down the reasons why you’re feeling this way and whether or not those reasons are valid.

So there you have it. I hope this has been helpful for you, and I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors to stop thinking about that person.

Garo Kotchounian

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