How To Build Self Confidence And Esteem (A step-by-step guide)

Self-confidence and esteem play an important role in our lives, and it’s important to build and strengthen these two. In this article, I’ll guide you step-by-step on how you can build your self-confidence and esteem.

You can build self-confidence and esteem by focusing on your strengths and using them to achieve your goals. Aside from it, you also need to let go of your insecurities and focus on yourself throughout the process.

The problem with people who lack self-confidence and esteem is that they’re too concentrated on others’ achievements and life. Consequently, they tend to overreact and compare their general lives to others. This is a toxic trait we need to let go of because it won’t do us any good.

It’s a pretty interesting topic. But before I take you to the step-by-step guide on building your self-confidence and esteem, let’s look at other factors and reasons why you lack these two important traits.

What are self-confidence and self-esteem?

How To Build Self Confidence And Esteem

These two are interconnected to each other. Although they might seem similar, they have a thin line of difference. 

  • Self-confidence is how you believe in your abilities and yourself as a whole. However, it is dependent on the situation. There will be times that you’ll feel less confident, while there are also scenarios where you can feel the highest confidence you ever had.
  • Self-esteem is how you value or appreciate yourself. This is dependent on your previous experiences, which shaped you over time. 

So what do you need?

You need to have strong self-esteem to have self-confidence. I said earlier that you must focus on yourself and avoid comparing yourself to others. In this way, you can see your worth or value to have self-esteem, which can help you build yourself up to gain self confidence.

Why do you lack self-confidence and esteem?

For us to solve a problem, we need to find the root causes of it first. This way, we can find exact solutions. So, let’s look at why someone lacks self-confidence and esteem.

Childhood bullying

Bullying is a form of abuse that can seriously affect the victim’s self-esteem, affecting confidence later on. It can cause someone to feel like they don’t deserve to be treated well or even like they don’t deserve to be alive. 

As a result, those who have been bullied often find themselves struggling with depression and anxiety as adults.

The unsupportive environment during teenage years

Teenagers are often faced with a multitude of challenges, and their lack of self-confidence and esteem can result from the environment in which they live.

To develop a sense of self-worth, teenagers need to feel safe and supported by those around them. If they don’t feel that way, it can be difficult for them to feel good about themselves.

For example, if no one in your family listens when you have something important to say or if you feel like no one is there beside you, it can be hard to get your feelings out in the open. 

This can cause feelings of isolation and loneliness, and those feelings will affect how much confidence you have in yourself.

Comparing yourself to others

Comparison is the thief of joy. It can cause you to feel bad about yourself, and it can even cause you to feel like you don’t deserve the things you have.

When we compare ourselves with others, we forget everything that makes us unique and special. We should be comparing ourselves only against ourselves, such as:

  • What goals did I achieve this week? 
  • How do my achievements stack up against last week?
  • If I want to lose weight, how much did I lose this month compared with last month?

Lack of self-love

Lack of self-love is a common cause of self-confidence and esteem issues. If you don’t love yourself, it’s hard to believe that anyone else could.

When you’re not taking care of yourself, it can be hard to know what you want or how to go after it. That’s why you don’t have the momentum to build yourself and feel self-confidence and self-esteem.

What are the effects of low self-confidence and esteem?

As you see, self-confidence and esteem are two different things. And having low confidence and esteem can result in different effects.

Take a look at this list.

Lack of self-confidence effects

  • Anxiety
  • Extreme shyness
  • Communication issues
  • Difficulty standing up for yourself

Lack of self-esteem effects

  • Your mind focuses on your failures instead of your successes.
  • You believe you don’t deserve anything in this world.
  • Negative thinking.
  • Avoiding challenges and situations.
  • Relationship problems
  • Punishing yourself.

So now that we know the reasons and effects of having low self-confidence and esteem, it’s time to solve this problem.

Step-by-step guide in building self-confidence and esteem

Identify your values and beliefs.

The first step is identifying your values and beliefs in life in general.

  • What do you value most? 
  • What do you believe in? 

These important questions will help you figure out how to build up your sense of self-worth without compromising who you are. Remember that you must acknowledge your worth before building your confidence; this step is the first thing you must do.

Write down all your strengths and weaknesses.

If you want to build your self-confidence and esteem, try writing down everything you’re good at. Include your strengths in your career, relationships, and hobbies. 

If you can’t think of any, ask your friends or family. Then write down all the things you struggle with and want to improve upon.

For example:

My strengths

  • Communicating to people
  • Independent
  • Get things done on time
  • Good listener

My weaknesses

  • Organizational skills.
  • Don’t know how to ask for help when needed.

Then, take a look at the list. What do you see? Like most people, you probably have more strengths than weaknesses.

You can use these strengths to achieve the goals or things you want. And when you achieve it, you can start building your self-confidence and esteem!

Stop comparing yourself to others.

So while you’re in the process of achieving your goals to make you feel good, you must be mindful of your environment. 

You’ll encounter people you think are better than you or will let you remember your weaknesses. It’s inevitable, and that’s part of our life. But don’t even dare to compare yourself to them because you are different from everyone else.

Instead of comparing, you can have a mindset like:

  • I’ll learn from others so I can improve in this area.
  • I’ll do my best to accomplish this so I can gain experience and learn from it.
  • She might be better than this, but I am better at other things.

When you’re vulnerable to comparison, you only need to focus on yourself and the list you made earlier.

Go back to your strengths, clear your mind and motivate yourself that you have strengths that others don’t have. 

Practice self-care every day.

If you want to build up your self-confidence and esteem, practicing self-care daily is one of the most important things you can do. 

Self-care isn’t just about taking bubble baths and walking in the park. It’s about ensuring that your mental and physical needs are met, and that means taking care of yourself no matter what else is happening in your life.

So how do you get started?

  • Take five minutes each morning before work to meditate or write in a gratitude journal. 
  • Write down three things that happened yesterday that made you happy. Something as small as getting a compliment from someone at work can boost your mood for the whole day!
  • You don’t need to spend hours doing this every day. Even five minutes every morning will make a difference over time! 

Self-care is not occasional. It should be a routine.

Find what you’re good at, and do it!

In this step, you’ll use your list again. You need to revisit those strengths and utilize them to your advantage to get things done in your everyday life.

When you use your strengths, you can achieve something fulfilling, and when you’re fulfilled, you can feel confident. 

The thing that makes us feel bad about ourselves is inferiority. It’s easy to feel inferior, but it doesn’t have to be that way every day. Step up your game and be the best version of yourself by using your strengths.

Likewise, do something that makes you happy and not just because someone tells or forces you to do so.

Be with people who believe in you.

We’ve identified at the beginning of this article that an unsupportive environment is one of the causes of a lack of self-confidence and esteem. That’s why we need to change it now that we’re aware of it and that we can do it.

So how do you find them? And how do you keep them around? Here are some suggestions.

  • Look for people who are already doing what you want to do. If they’re doing it well, they’ll be happy to share their secrets with you!
  • Find people who are interested in learning what it takes to get there themselves or those who have the same goal as you. They’ll have plenty of ideas and questions that will help guide your own research and growth process.
  • If you have friends, be honest about where you are right now, and let them know your plans and goals. Keep them if they are eager to help you and even want to join your journey. But if not, leave them.

Finding the right people means being open to new relationships and experiences, taking risks, and reaching out to others when you need help or support.

Benefits of high self-confidence and esteem

Building self-confidence and esteem aren’t always easy, but these two are the most powerful thing we can have. 

So even though it might seem very challenging to start, you must keep up because you can reap so many benefits if you have a healthy amount of self-esteem and high confidence. Here are the benefits you need to look at!

  • You will feel good about yourself and have the momentum to succeed personally and professionally.
  • You can take risks without fearing failure or embarrassment
  • You’ll open yourself to new and greater opportunities.
  • You’ll meet inspiring and good people along the way.
  • You have a higher chance of reaching your goals and make progress toward them.
  • Your relationships will be healthier because you don’t rely on others for validation.
  •  You will be healthier as you feel good about yourself, which helps you maintain a healthy lifestyle.
  • You will find it easier to make decisions and take action because you know what’s right for you.
  •  You’re less stressed out!
  • You’ll become an inspiration or role model to others.
  • You’ll feel genuine happiness.
  • You’ll see your real purpose in life.
  • Your life will be goal-directed, which means you’ll save time and resources.

The positive things associated with high self-confidence and esteem are endless. So I’ve just rounded up some of the best benefits to motivate you today.

Building self-confidence and esteem isn’t an overnight process.

If you’re reading this far, that’s good to know, and you’re lucky because I have an important tip to tell you.

Self-confidence and esteem won’t pop up overnight. Good things always demand hard work, time, and sincerity. If you want to level up your confidence and enjoy a healthy amount of self-esteem, you need two things.

  • Patience
  • Consistency

Bring patience with you because this is a challenging process. You’ll feel confident today but not tomorrow. You’ll feel you were worth it yesterday but not today. As I said earlier, there are days you’ll feel confident and valued, while there are also days when you’re not. 

It’s normal, and don’t make it a big deal. Instead, be patient, trust the process and focus on your goal.

Lastly, consistency is an important ingredient in whatever you do. Whether you have a skincare, study, work, or plan to build yourself up, you need to be consistent to make progress.

Likewise, consistency is essential if you want to build your momentum. You can use this momentum to focus on achieving your goal, making you feel good about yourself! And that’s where self-confidence and esteem start to build up.

Garo Kotchounian

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